Dementia Anger

Mom has dementia. And she or he has her difficult days. However , you can't fix her dementia, right? Which means you probably can't fix her being difficult, right?

Here's what's promising. Wrong! It isn't that you could fix Mom, however , you can learn to remake your relationship together with her. Okay, I realize you won't want to do this. But you do want to have an easier time, don't you? And really, your better self wants Mom to have an easier time too, right?

So, think of this as a quick fix for getting easier times while being your Mom's caregiver. First, sit down and take a few deep slow breaths. Scan your own body for a moment. That frown -- your anxiety. Those clenched fists? Your pent-up anger. Weird feeling in the solar plexus? Your fear. And this is all normal for caregivers.

Unfurrow your brow, unclench your fists, lay your hands across your belly and breath. Don't have time for this new age fiddle-faddle? Yeah, you do. Because your Mom is often difficult in direct response to your own emotions.

Having dementia is very scary indeed. You can't think right, you don't remember right, you're on your own, often among people who might even secretly blame you for having dementia or cerebral palsy for instance.

Therefore it is very reassuring whenever a caregiver can decelerate, relax, speak kindly, keep things easy and wait patiently. That's you. The greater you need to do those activities, the less frightened your Mom is going to be. Because she will feel your tension and anger and fear. Then it is right-back-at-ya time.

How you can help an individual with dementia feel safe:

1. decelerate and obtain down physically for their level, which means you have eye to eye-to-eye contact;

2. keep communication simple;

3. if you want co-operation, take things one step at a time and wait for completion of each step;

4. don't be in a hurry because that slows down a person with dementia;

5. don't argue because you won't win. A person with dementia can't do rational step-by-step thinking, so they'll lock into stubborn resistance as a defence;

6. suggest, bribe, offer, persuade and re-direct instead of giving orders;

7. be affectionate;

8. use humor;

9. don't treat them like children;

10. treat them with respect, ask them what they want, offer choice (limited choice, please!).

If, in spite of all your efforts, this person gets mad at you. Ask yourself what you did to scare them and acknowledge their feelings.

As in:
"Of course you're feeling angry right now. I understand. I'm sorry if I did something to upset you."

When someone is angry, step back out of hitting range. If it's your husband, absolutely do not move forward to comfort an angry man with dementia. Stand back and provide the area that's needed. They'll feel safer, danger is going to be avoided. You are able to leave them literal space too. Get into another room after which return.

These approaches are social approaches that actually work having a individual who has what we might call regular dementia. If you're dealing with a person with major rage issues that probably have a long history, you must get the help of a mental health specialist to make a care plan that keeps you and the person safe.